• This column originally appeared in the February 2013 edition of Crack magazine (view .pdf)

What if Quentin Tarantino had taken the bait and discussed the link between movie and real life violence in Django Unchained, rather than shutting Krishnan Guru-Murthy’s butt down? In the wake of the Newtown massacre, a wrong-footed remark on violence is akin to lowering the spring of a thunder drum toward a squawking nest of seagulls. It’s not just about whether or not he’s going to waste time reiterating his views, hopefully Tarantino’s trying to avoid having the wrong debate about gun violence.

But Guru-Murthy, a man we respect greatly, unfortunately found himself repeatedly baiting a cheap angle: “But why are you so sure that there’s no link between enjoying movie violence and enjoying real violence?” Is there a link between enjoying Super Sunday and enjoying playing football, between enjoying porn and enjoying sex? Probably. But the cause of acts which demonstrate this magnitude of brutality can’t be put down to something as simple as whether or not shops stock Grand Theft Auto.

Tarantino, who is two years away from starring as Worzel Gummidge in his own 2023 gore-fest remake of Dark Night of the Scarecrow, did bring up a much more interesting point in the interview, pointing out that he’s attempting to create a black hero in an era whitewashed by Hollywood. To raise a discussion about the “Auschwitz-ian” element of the slave trade that has been left unsaid

Instead of picking up on that relatively controversial point, the aggregators created a buzz feed of freeze frames and video clips, B-list Hollywood stars spiked him for disrespecting their ancestors, and then the C-list American politicians who spend their days scanning the information superhighway for suitable ‘Oh, the horror!’ bandwagons began to appear on the horizon. Pretty soon the interview was running ad-nauseum on the news and the print press weighed in calling the interview a “rant”, “furious rant” or a “clash” that was “yelled”.

This all happened, even though he didn’t give an answer, because he’s made a violent movie at a time when the US is experiencing violence at its own hands. Not the first time, not even the first time in recent memory, just a more extreme case than we’ve heard of in the last few years. And, after waiting the respectable time, the collective consciousness of America, the very humanity of America, began searching around for commentary and coverage that would fit their worldview about violence, about its causes and why.

Alex Jones is on CNN literally screaming “mass-murder pills”. The National Rifle Association, whose army of lobbyist were on lockdown for the first 30 days after Newtown happened, headed back to Washington. And, as Obama makes the biggest gun control push in decades, they called him an “elitist hypocrite” because his children receive protection from Secret Service agents when there aren’t armed guards on the gates of every school in the country.

We’ve slipped back into that horrible feedback-loop where guns are used to commit violent acts, and then they want more guns. The Mayans didn’t predict the end of the world in 2012; they predicted the end of the science of reason.

Obama wants to lift the ban on federal research into gun violence, implement an assault weapons ban and background checks for all gun buyers, among other things, but the debate-shaping gun lobby and pro-gun activists will protest that what we need are more guns. It’s the video games, they say. And, no matter the level of horror experienced by the families, friends and loved ones through all of this, the Republicans will probably put a stop on any assault weapons ban when it reaches the House of Representatives.

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Jones answered the first question with a three-minute long tirade that had nothing but wild gesticulations to punctuate its Jack Kerouac-length sentences:

“We did it [the petition] as a way to bring attention to the fact that we have all of these foreigners and the Russian government, the official Chinese government, Mao said political power goes out of the barrel of a gun, he killed about 80 million people ’cause he’s the only one who had a gun, so we did it to point out that this is globalism and the mega banks that control the planet and brag that they have taken over in Bloomberg, AP, Reuters, you name it, brag that they’re going to get our guns as well….”

Alex Jones – Reporting from a sheet fort

The petition Jones is talking about aims to deport Morgan for his opinions about gun control. Piers believes there should be a “ban on military style semi-automatics and high-capacity magazines”, among other things, and Jones says that this is an affront to the Second Amendment, the so-called “right to bear arms”.

Jones’ website is owned by Free Speech Systems and he’s running the campaign without even a hint of irony over Morgan’s First Amendment-protected right to freedom of speech.

In the old days he’d just be another kook in a desert-bound caravan broadcasting a low-rent pirate radio show to a single-digit audience, but CNN gave this idiot a spot on prime time and we, the internet, propagated. At time of press, 109,334 people had signed the petition, which is hosted on the White House website, he has 345,000 YouTube subscribers and over 250 million video views, and his radio show is syndicated on more than 60 radio stations (apparently).

Alex Jones spots his first Ladybug

How did everyone react to the rant? According to Jones’ follow-up video the producers panicked and started crying, Morgan was shouting at him, and “Mafia” Mayor Bloomberg sent undercover cops to scope out a hit on him and his camera man. I kid you not, the cops had “pure violence in their eyes“.

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2012: Bitching about a year in pitching

In 2012, I pitched 22 editors of magazines, newspapers and websites that I haven’t worked with previously and two that I work with sporadically.  Some of these contacts were sent several ideas, so we’re probably talking about 30-something potential columns, features or news stories, of which three articles made it into print.

It’s frustrating. You could look at these numbers and think of the work as lead generation. One day one of these editors could well become regular clients. On the other hand, there are times when this part of being a freelance journalist feels more like a rejection-filled hobby than a serious job. If you split the money earned from the three commissions across the time spent pitching and writing I’m sure it would drop below minimum wage. In short, my experience is that ad hoc commissions are entirely unsustainable. There’s an opportunity cost here too – a day spent pitching is a day without pay.

Perhaps I’m just not that good at it? I know I should blog and tweet more, but I don’t have time. I know I should be more specialised, more niche, in the areas/ sectors I cover, but it’s tricky to stick to one area when you’re trying to generate a paycheck. And, after three years working as a freelancer I don’t really have a clear idea of the pitch:commission ratio of other journalists (and that is in part why I’m offering up my experience here).

The main reason the pitching process troubles me, however, is the random nature in which work seems to come in. My first paid byline was commissioned after a journalist I’d met in the bar passed my details on to their editor and not much has changed since. I could find myself writing a feature about something I’m basically researching from scratch one day, but get a decent pitch about a niche sector I spent two years covering full time turned down the next (see below).

I’m lucky enough to be engaged on a three-day-per-week retainer as an ‘analyst’ writing and editing content for what might be described as highly-specialised trade publications, in addition to freelancing for two additional clients on a semi-regular basis. And, most importantly of all, I have a job and a job that I love at that. But it’s New Year ’s Day, I’m hungover and feeling pretty jaded: editors email me here.

Here’s more on the subject from ‘Pitchy’…

An interview with the award-winning Pitching The World blogger

The wonderful author from the award-winning Pitching The World blog has been kind enough to send through a few thoughts about his efforts to pitch all 642 magazines listed in the Writers’ & Artists’ Yearbook. The inclusion of the interview has nothing to do with my journalistic inadequacies of course – you might learn something here. He posts anonymously,  so I’ve left his name out here.

How far are you through the pitching experiment and do you have any idea how many pitches you’ve sent so far?

Difficult to say. The actual number of pitches I’ve sent is slight, but I’ve contacted perhaps hundreds of editors.

What’s the most unusual idea that you’ve proposed so far?

Well, it was a bit before I started Pitching the World but I pitched something to Front called “How much am I worth?” a first person account of trying to to sell off my organs, hair, sperm etc. It got commissioned. As did a feature on how to make someone go mad. And how to fake your own death. I used to enjoy writing for Front.

What are the basic components of a good pitch?

Jesus. Um, I think it’s need to be snappy, timely, interesting, lively, not leave the commissioning ed. any doubt about what you’re going to deliver and written reasonably well. I haven’t written many of these.

In your experience what’s the best way to get an editor on-side?

I always used to take them for pints. That helps. Other than that, the dreaded “professionalism”.

What’s your take on phoning editors? Are follow-up or introductory phone calls ever a good idea?

Well, some other journalists reckon follow ups calls are a good idea and do indeed work, but I’ve never had the balls or inclination to do so. I’m a coward. I’m even scared of emails.

If an idea doesn’t get picked up by a particular publication, how easy is it to repackage for another audience?

If the idea is strong and broad, very easy. You can write a similar piece for a heap of places. I suppose the narrower and more specialist the focus the harder it is.

What’s the best introduction to a pitch letter you’ve ever written?

Something simple is best. “I’m 36 and live in my Nan’s dining room” is a favourite.

Can you sum up what it’s like to be a freelance journalist in one sentence?

Tough, often dull and nothing like Fletch, but fleetingly rewarding.

Is there anything you would like to add?

Yes. I’m a poker writer now and have a bunch of huge tournaments I need to play in within the next few minutes and I need to eat and smoke beforehand, hence slightly rubbish answers. Sorry.

Read his blog here, the first post that explains the project and follow him on Twitter here.

An example of a pitch letter

Here’s an example of a pretty average pitch letter from earlier in the year.

Pitch letter

In hindsight, the phrase “for some time” is horrible and I should have pointed out that these companies’ overseas income has topped £1bn for the first time, but you get the idea.

Did you enjoy this post? Why not read Three top bloggers’ thoughts on on traffic and revenue generation?

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• This column originally appeared in the December 2012 edition of Crack magazine (view .pdf)

Is it really any wonder politicians hate every last one of the sniffling meat sacks they rule over? We’ve only got ourselves to blame. It’s our fault for pummelling these once-regular folk until they turn into monsters that wince at the prole-stench on the West Coast Main Line’s cattle cars.

Somehow we remain incredulous when they open their mouth at the gates of Downing Street and give us the kind of berating we deserve. What did we expect to happen with this daily barrage of tit-bit gossip sharing and fun-poking? That they would sulk off and do a better job leading the country?

In October, George Osborne, Second Lord of the Treasury, had to pay an upgrade fee to remain in a first class carriage, having boarded the train with a regular ticket. No big deal – it’s probably the most bearable cabin for his tender stomach – yet we’re still hearing about the affair a month down the line.

Details of the “Great Train Snobbery” came out because of the “Twitter storm” that ensued. Journalists, political commentators and knuckle-dragging Tweeps went down to Euston to assail Gideon at the station gate. “Good job, Twitter. From first to last a fabulous communal experience,” says Patrick O’Flynn from the Daily Express.

But what has he really done here? Rachel Townsend, the train-based ITV reporter that broke the story comments: “The guard went on gathering tickets and later told me Osborne had agreed to cough up the £160 [for the upgrade].” It’s not news.

The media can’t help itself but jump on board these prejudice-enforcing events that the Tories find themselves languishing in with such alarming regularity. The problem is, we’re all suffering from cognitive dissonance, creating opinions, altering facts or ignoring those that don’t fit in with our believe system in an upsettingly dogmatic fashion (think Church of England).

It’s always hard to judge the level of sarcasm and innuendo in a personal correspondents, but it’s safe to say the press are on weak ground claiming there’s anything more than a shit joke in Cameron noting a borrowed horse was “fast, unpredictable and hard to control but fun” in a text to former Chief Executive of News International Rebekah Brooks.

I didn’t agree with the scale of the fiscal austerity Gideon and Co embarked on – and, as we limp out of a double dip recession, it looks like I was on the money – but that’s got nothing to do with their privileged backgrounds, whether they know the price of milk or hang out in Chipping Norton.

And, after two years of being hassled by hacks, courted by media moguls and reclining in the plush chairs of the Carlton Club’s male-only lounge, you would probably hate, well, ‘you’, too. Shouldn’t we back off a bit and see how they do without all these personal attacks? Maybe we could hug a government minister this Christmas?

Anyway, the problem is it does matter that Cameron so closely courted the affection of media executives, and even more so that he went against repeated warnings and hired a communications chief that’s now in court for allegedly making payments to police and public officials. And I was kidding about Mitchell, too. The trick is distinguishing between the tat and the material that should help shape our perception of their ability to do a good job.

It’s difficult. Particularly when they turn up to parliament and waste time with straw man fallacies, baying from the benches like unruly teenagers in a sex education class every week. And, as much as I recognise the possibility, those taking a more sardonic look should carry on for sheer entertainment value.

In short, MediaSpank will be back with more rants about the media, politics and out-of-touch Tories next month, but maybe those writing political news and analysis should back down, a bit.

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View Lee’s portfolio site here. Contact Lee.

These articles can be viewed in the Crack Column section of the website.

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Privately funded by Hungarian-born billionaire Thomas Peterffy, the advert stinks of the communist hunting propaganda of the 50s. According to Politico, he’s shelled out at least US$8 million on advertising this season.

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